Today I am an online nobody.
I currently have 23 "followers," I "follow" 59 tweeters (would it be sacrilege to call us "twits?"), and I have put out 66 tweets (here, I prefer the term "twitters" for its visceral quality). In contrast, my current online guru, Alexis Neely, has racked up 27,894 followers, follows 1,146, and has been rather prolific and profound in her 18,186 tweets. Anyone else notice that my Twitter ratio is all messed up?
On Facebook, I have 194 "friends," which I believe to be "below average" in comparison to other Facebookers, and even that number is difficult for me to maintain. For some reason beyond my understanding, I seem to have a high attrition rate on Facebook! Now compare my numbers to those of one of my gurus on that site; Simon Jacobson, who is also prolific and profound in his messages of a Meaningful Life, maintains TWO FACEBOOK PROFILES, because he reached his maximum number of 5,000 friends on one profile page and had to open another profile page in order to accommodate his overflow.
Yes, as you can see, I am definitely suffering from a serious case of profile envy.
I will even admit to being afflicted with the oft-misdiagnosed Online Inferiority Complex (OIC). I will absolutely not allow this, though, to devolve into a full-blown Online Identity Crisis (again with the OIC acronym? Oy). Symptoms of OIC include negative "scripts," sour grapes, self-doubt, self-blame, minimization of others, dissociation, false ego, that seething jealous feeling in certain body parts, bloating, insecurity, irritability, thoughts of how easy it is for others and not you, diminished vision, other idiosyncratic ways one suppresses, represses, and dysfunctionally handles negative feelings... and, left unaddressed, online death.
You know how on those pharmaceutical ads on tv, the description of the "benefits" of the drug being pushed takes about the first 10 seconds of the ad, and the remaining 2/3 or so of the ad talks about the terrible side-effects, and ends with strongly advising you, upon risk of death, that if you experience these negative side-effects, you must immediately stop the drug and see your doctor? With OIC (either one), the side effects actually serve a positive purpose, are to be embraced and welcomed, and are best utilized as a cue to CONTINUE IN THE PROCESS of building your online identity.
To clarify: if while going through the process of creating an online identity, thoughts come to your mind that introduce negative side-effects like the ones listed above, the prescription is to continue "taking the pill" of creating your identity - both in the "Real Me" and online terms. Practically speaking, use the OIC side-effects to develop a mindfulness of what you say to yourself when you are holding yourself back. I like to "look at" the thoughts, feel them, see what really applies to me and what I can improve on... and then I need to move forward with my plan.
Here goes...
Today I am an online nobody.
No... scratch that!!!
1) Today I have a certain number of followers and friends on my online communities, and I am going to change that. I am going to try to connect to people in a variety of ways - one of which will be to let you, the reader of this blog, see the "Real Me;"
2) I realize that I will connect with some people and not others. I am going to risk being seen by others as stupid, inferior, fraudulent (all my negative "scripts," by the way), yet continue putting my expressions out there in as authentic a way as possible;
3) I am going to persevere until I succeed. I'm not sure what that will look like right now, but I will not give in to an "I can't do it" mentality;
4) I'm going to remain open to feedback and constructive criticism. I am new to this process, and I am going to allow myself to learn as I go. I will not expect perfection but, rather, an acceptance of my individual way of going through the journey.
Today I am an online somebody, with an as-of-yet unrevealed identity and, as a result, unlimited online possibility!
Moving toward Day 3...
Marla
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Day 1:
Yep... That's my blog title, and here goes my blog:
I came to this title after many years of starting various blogs, writing blog posts here and there - the latest being "The Relationship Conversation" (which has a lot of thoughts in it, but zero posts). Overall, I could not get my head around what the hell I was supposed to be writing about or who I should be writing for. I originally thought to entitle this blog, "My getting-my-sh*t-together-so-I-can-help-you-get-your-sh*t-together blog, but I decided against that. Too obvious. And, besides, everyone else is already doing that.
In my career, I help people explore their thoughts, emotions, motives, and all their other psychological underpinnings in order to help them understand who they are. They move toward answering the question of "Who Am I," as well as understanding the statement, "Who I Am." (Obviously our present-day recording artists, celebrities, and even Dr. Seuss went through this very process of exploration.) This experiential, existential question-and-answer session is critical, in my opinion, to helping others find their true identities - their "Real Me."
As a "hot hook" (online jargon for concisely communicating to others what it is that you do), I am an identity coach. I help people in the search for their identity, and I'm damn good at it. This is what I do for others, and it feels unbelievably satisfying, fulfilling, even exhilarating at times, to be able to be present with people going through this process. It's kind of like being present at the birth of a baby. Huge privilege! My heart is full of warm, beautiful weight writing about this honor of being granted intimacy with others in this way.
But, SO WHAT? Yay for me! But, really? Is there something more I should be doing with my work, my business, with myself... with the "Real Me?" I say YES in answer to those questions, so I am setting out into uncharted territory (for me) to create an online business for myself. I just don't know what it's going to look like yet, or what I'm going to look like in it.
You see, I have a career, but not a business. I have a career, but it doesn't matter who I am in it. I've had clients turn to me after months of sessions with me and ask whether or not I have children. The kicker then is that, because of my psychodynamic leanings, instead of answering them directly with "yes, I have 3 beautiful children," I direct them to explore what my having children has to do with what is coming up for them in therapy.
You see? The "Real Me" doesn't matter at all. My place in that room is about BEING their reflection: an improved, more enlightened reflection, but a reflection nonetheless. When I really think about it (and this writing is actually the first time I've thought about it this way), I am, in essence, a magical mirror. I help people see a version of themselves that doesn't yet exist. Very cool. Very cool, indeed...
But, again, the "Real Me" has nothing to do with all that cool work I do with channeling mirrors or seeing someone else's "Real Me."
The point I'm trying to get to here - an idea, a possibility that I'm just opening myself up to, despite all my training to the contrary is that: showing other people Who I Am, letting them really experience the "Real Me," can be part of a process of profound change not only for others, but for me, too. And maybe THAT can be the business? Or, as someone corrected one of my "maybe's" on a Tweet the other day, that can DEFINITELY be the business (although that changes the idea from a question to a statement and adds to my current state of confusion which I now just need to be with and "feel," but this is for another day...).
The essential question for me remains, however: Can I find the "Real Me" through the pursuit of an online identity?
I am inviting you to join me through this process of building an online business from scratch. I am committing myself to being as open as I can. As I have virtually no online presence on any of the social media sites important to online entrepreneurship (onlinepreneurship?), I will show you how I am moving through the conceptualization, development, marketing (writing, tweeting, facebooking, other social media stuff not even in my awareness right now, and implementation). I will also let you know how I'm coming to the particular decisions on these processes, and what may be informing these decisions (you'll find out about lots of my life experiences). My intention is to let you see into my process experientially (like my friend, Elizabeth Wurtzel's "Prozac Nation; my present online guru, Alexis Neely's video blogs; or even Julie's "Julie & Julia" cooking blog). My plan is to stick with this process until I get to that place that people say you will "know" when you get there. I plan on getting there THROUGH exploring, challenging, questioning, experiencing, and becoming the REAL ME... the ME who makes a difference in the work...
I don't know where all this will wind up, and I'm so looking forward to this journey...
Moving toward Day 2...
Marla
I came to this title after many years of starting various blogs, writing blog posts here and there - the latest being "The Relationship Conversation" (which has a lot of thoughts in it, but zero posts). Overall, I could not get my head around what the hell I was supposed to be writing about or who I should be writing for. I originally thought to entitle this blog, "My getting-my-sh*t-together-so-I-can-help-you-get-your-sh*t-together blog, but I decided against that. Too obvious. And, besides, everyone else is already doing that.
In my career, I help people explore their thoughts, emotions, motives, and all their other psychological underpinnings in order to help them understand who they are. They move toward answering the question of "Who Am I," as well as understanding the statement, "Who I Am." (Obviously our present-day recording artists, celebrities, and even Dr. Seuss went through this very process of exploration.) This experiential, existential question-and-answer session is critical, in my opinion, to helping others find their true identities - their "Real Me."
As a "hot hook" (online jargon for concisely communicating to others what it is that you do), I am an identity coach. I help people in the search for their identity, and I'm damn good at it. This is what I do for others, and it feels unbelievably satisfying, fulfilling, even exhilarating at times, to be able to be present with people going through this process. It's kind of like being present at the birth of a baby. Huge privilege! My heart is full of warm, beautiful weight writing about this honor of being granted intimacy with others in this way.
But, SO WHAT? Yay for me! But, really? Is there something more I should be doing with my work, my business, with myself... with the "Real Me?" I say YES in answer to those questions, so I am setting out into uncharted territory (for me) to create an online business for myself. I just don't know what it's going to look like yet, or what I'm going to look like in it.
You see, I have a career, but not a business. I have a career, but it doesn't matter who I am in it. I've had clients turn to me after months of sessions with me and ask whether or not I have children. The kicker then is that, because of my psychodynamic leanings, instead of answering them directly with "yes, I have 3 beautiful children," I direct them to explore what my having children has to do with what is coming up for them in therapy.
You see? The "Real Me" doesn't matter at all. My place in that room is about BEING their reflection: an improved, more enlightened reflection, but a reflection nonetheless. When I really think about it (and this writing is actually the first time I've thought about it this way), I am, in essence, a magical mirror. I help people see a version of themselves that doesn't yet exist. Very cool. Very cool, indeed...
But, again, the "Real Me" has nothing to do with all that cool work I do with channeling mirrors or seeing someone else's "Real Me."
The point I'm trying to get to here - an idea, a possibility that I'm just opening myself up to, despite all my training to the contrary is that: showing other people Who I Am, letting them really experience the "Real Me," can be part of a process of profound change not only for others, but for me, too. And maybe THAT can be the business? Or, as someone corrected one of my "maybe's" on a Tweet the other day, that can DEFINITELY be the business (although that changes the idea from a question to a statement and adds to my current state of confusion which I now just need to be with and "feel," but this is for another day...).
The essential question for me remains, however: Can I find the "Real Me" through the pursuit of an online identity?
I am inviting you to join me through this process of building an online business from scratch. I am committing myself to being as open as I can. As I have virtually no online presence on any of the social media sites important to online entrepreneurship (onlinepreneurship?), I will show you how I am moving through the conceptualization, development, marketing (writing, tweeting, facebooking, other social media stuff not even in my awareness right now, and implementation). I will also let you know how I'm coming to the particular decisions on these processes, and what may be informing these decisions (you'll find out about lots of my life experiences). My intention is to let you see into my process experientially (like my friend, Elizabeth Wurtzel's "Prozac Nation; my present online guru, Alexis Neely's video blogs; or even Julie's "Julie & Julia" cooking blog). My plan is to stick with this process until I get to that place that people say you will "know" when you get there. I plan on getting there THROUGH exploring, challenging, questioning, experiencing, and becoming the REAL ME... the ME who makes a difference in the work...
I don't know where all this will wind up, and I'm so looking forward to this journey...
Moving toward Day 2...
Marla
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